Confessions Of A Former Mean Girl

Coat: Zara (similar here and here); Sweater: Aritzia (similar here and here); Jeans: H&M (similar here and here); Shoes: Gucci

This blog post is a bit of a personal one, but I think it’s one that some of you may be able to relate to. A couple of days back, I got a message on Instagram from an anonymous account, accusing me of being a mean girl in high school. And as much as I would have liked to deny it, jump to the defensive and tell her off, I agreed with her. Because she was right.

I was a mean girl. And it wasn’t just in high school. I was a mean girl until a few years back. I was negative, I gossiped, I hurt a lot of people. Looking back at it, I don’t know why I thought it was cool to be mean. It was as though in a really weird way, I thought that bringing other people down made me more powerful. It was so toxic. And in the end, when I looked in the mirror, I hated who I was. I hated being someone who put people down instead of bringing them up. I hated myself for not being more positive, helpful, and kind.

So I decided I was going to change it.

Positivity, selflessness, kindness, and the ability to forgive may come easily to some people. But I wasn’t one of those people. Or maybe I’d been on the wrong path for so long that I’d forgotten how to harness those wonderful qualities. So I had to consciously work on self-improvement. I had to force myself to say yes to helping someone even when I wanted to do something else with my time. To bite my tongue when I had the urge to say something bad about someone. To smile more. And most importantly, I had to work hard to find peace within myself to let go of grudges that were like poison in my soul.

Today when I look in the mirror, I’m proud of who I am. I’m someone who likes to spread positivity and be kind to others. Do I fuck up sometimes? Yes! But I consciously try to fight my demons every single day to be the best version of myself. Because I realized that spreading negativity attracts negativity and spreading positivity attracts positivity. And who wants a negative life?

I’m not proud of who I was. But I’m not ashamed either. There’s no shame in admitting that you’ve made mistakes. We’re all human, after all. The important thing is to fix those mistakes. I don’t think I would have been so passionate about self-improvement, spreading positivity, and wanting to inspire others if it weren’t for those mistakes.

To end this blog post, I’ll say this: you can have dark moments in life. You can develop negative qualities, but that doesn’t mean that those qualities are so concrete that you can’t change. Your bad qualities don’t need to define you. If you don’t like something about yourself, don’t just write it off as ‘who you are’. You always have a choice to change for the better.

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16 Comments

  1. November 22, 2017 / 3:11 pm

    Such a raw post! Great to hear you’ve changed for the better! 🙂
    XOX

  2. Donna
    November 22, 2017 / 4:49 pm

    I love this and I agree with you can always change for the better. Sometimes its not that easy, but just acknowledging and being aware of your actions is a good start. Also these photos are fire!!

  3. November 22, 2017 / 7:43 pm

    I love this. It takes a lot of courage to share this about yourself, let alone accept it. And, I think it’s fantastic that you are sharing this message. The only way we can change is to first accept it and see it. Thank you for sharing this.

    Natalie | http://nataliesalchemy.wordpress.com

  4. November 22, 2017 / 9:06 pm

    I love this Sif!
    You are such a beautiful person inside and out!
    So happy you found the positive to focus on and you were able to fix your mistake.
    Xo
    Britta

  5. November 23, 2017 / 1:08 pm

    I never knew this about you, it takes alot of courage to speak about it but I am glad you did because then other people can see that anyone can change for the better and focus on positivity 🙂 xx

  6. November 23, 2017 / 2:55 pm

    It’s good to recognize and change – and apologize where you can. High school and early twenties are such a delicate time because they can be so traumatic. But you have to learn to live with your past regardless of whether you were the bully or the bullied. It must be so refreshing to recognize it and change! Good for you!

    Love the photos in this post too – the carousel is so sweet

    http://www.luellapearl.com
    Caitlin

  7. November 23, 2017 / 6:24 pm

    I strongly believe in self-improvement and in changing the things that we don’t like about ourselves as well. We all have flaws, we all have been mean to someone else at some point but luckily we’ve realised that’s not the way to go and that making people happy is a thousand times more rewarding than bringing them down. Loved this honest post and loved your outfit and pictures even more, Siff. Have a great Thanksgiving day, gal

    Saida | She talks Glam

  8. November 25, 2017 / 12:29 am

    It must have taken u a lot of courage to admit it. Thanks for sharing. u look great as ever btw. 🙂

    VVEEKEND 101

  9. November 25, 2017 / 11:08 pm

    I love the honesty in this post. It’s hard for people to admit their flaws, but it’s SO human! I’ve done some pretty terrible things in my past, but it also works to make me SO proud of the person that I’ve become now. Consciously changing your habits and how you treat people eventually turns into who you are. And clearly, you’ve turned out pretty freaking awesome!

    Susie | http://milehighdreamers.com

    • siffat.h91@gmail.com
      November 26, 2017 / 2:46 pm

      Thank you for your sweet comment! I think it’s so important to keep it real and admit when we’ve made mistakes – nobody’s perfect! And yes, consciously changing our habits and how we treat people is what allows us to become better humans 🙂

  10. November 29, 2017 / 3:52 pm

    Loving the style dear. The distressed jeans work perfectly with the fur. Such a cute casual outfit.

    Jessica | notjessfashion.com

  11. December 1, 2017 / 1:02 pm

    It is a bit of a cycle isn’t it? If you say one negative thing, it starts a chain that keeps growing. I think I have been in that position a few times in my life. Where I got stuck on something and have been mean. I hated it, I felt so so sick, when I realised what I had been saying, gossip is not a good thing at all. I now am conscious of it all the time, making an effort not to get stuck in those situations where people are gossiping. It is best to change the subject, directly say you don’t want to get involved or walk away.
    You never know what someone is going through, either. Definitely must have been confronting to read that message, but a good thing to face I guess.
    xx Jenelle
    http://www.inspiringwit.com

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